Social Failure


I invite you to read this article (it will open in a new window) before continuing to read today’s blog.

Why do we coddle violent, abusive men?

We see it in the news all the time. We see it in our friends, neighbors, family and communities. Someone is revealed as an abuser. Someone is exposed as hurting their closest “loved” ones. Someone is killed by an abuser. Someone is raped… and society says:

“But they are such a wonderful person! They are so thoughtful… successful… interesting… talented… kind…” He was a good father. She was a good mother. Until or except for. It’s as if the good things outweigh the horrific things. As if your experience with the abuser (criminal) outweighs the experience of the victim – outweighs the crime.

Bill Cosby is accused of sexual assault, and the world remembers Dr. Cliff Huxtable and refuses to believe Bill Cosby might be capable of such a crime. The victims are blamed – for not speaking up earlier, for not defending themselves.

My step-father was excused of sexual assaulting his step-daughter but his family and the community said “impossible, he’s such an upstanding member of society” … then it’s proven and he’s dead. Even an arrest and suicide did not change the community’s, or his family’s opinion on the matter.

What does it take? What will need to happen before we start taking domestic violence seriously? When will we begin to see it as the crime it truly is?

It’s time to take a stand. Where do you stand? How will you stand when it affects your life or loved ones?


2 thoughts on “Social Failure

  1. That was a tough article to read. Victims don’t just need to be compensated, they need to be healed. The coddling of abusers, however, isn’t as pro-male as one would think. I’m an abused husband. There are a lot of us out here. We are ignored and our existence is only barely acknowledged. Those academic papers and studies that show wives are nearly as likely to abuse as husbands… they are ignored, too. Please, lets stop the stereotype of abusers being 98% men. Let’s find value in *all* victims, regardless of sex or age. I guarantee you that where I live, women are assumed to be the saintly, sensitive ones. Men are not coddled here. Rather, we are assumed to be wrong, bad, and abusive from the get-go. It takes very little effort to smear a husband. It is devastating and destructive.


    • I think that’s one of the failures of society regarding abuse. It’s not about gender and this is absolutely one area men suffer discrimination in.

      The article wasn’t necessarily about compensation as much add it is about the inequality of the crimes, and how domestic violence is an unseen threat to society. We must stop coddling abusers, we must start, as a society, sending the message that every life in every relationship has value.

      We have to continue the fight and keep educating on what healthy relationships should look like, that abuse is not tolerated against any person.We need to start seeing it for the crime it is.

      Liked by 1 person

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