Invisible Struggles

mindbodynotseparate

People don’t see my struggles with mental health. Sometimes, I don’t even recognize I’m in the midst of a struggle.

I realize it when I get cranky and irritable with my children. I see it when my house disintegrates into a disaster zone. I feel it when I can’t sleep or when I can’t wake up and when I have no energy for the things I need to accomplish.

Except… sometimes it isn’t mental illness at all. Sometimes it’s physical illness causing those same reactions. Recently my doctor started me on a new medicine for a “female” problem. I’ve suffered from this problem since I was 14 years old and only pregnancy has made any positive change, until now.

mental-health-homepage

Now, I’m finding energy I haven’t had in years. I’m discovering my house is naturally getting clean. My moods are lightening because I’m not constantly exhausted. It’s improving my mental outlook on life.

My house is a disaster. I’m a home school parent of 2 special needs boys and we’re not good at keeping on top of it all, especially when things go downhill. We’ve had viruses floating around, not quite landing on us, but making us feel a bit yucky. I’ve been exhausted. Sleep doesn’t come or go easily for me. Today, I discovered the landlord wants to do their annual inspection tomorrow. I got 24 hours notice.

I’m going to take care of me. I’m going to hire someone to help me out because this is necessary.

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I’m anxious. I’m afraid I won’t get it done in time. I’m afraid the person I hire will judge me. I’m afraid I’m not sufficient for the task. 

I will not let this one thing defeat me. I am sufficient.

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