Today was a challenging day. It’s been 7 years since my separation and I am trying to get the divorce finalized… to be finally, fully, legally free from him.
Today we had a mediation meeting at court. Basically we need to settle the financial (child support) portion before we can finalize the divorce. It didn’t go well. My ex is an expert at “The Victim” and this showed more today than any other day. In fact, at one point he cried “I’m dead, I’m dead, I’m dead” because he felt the numbers were more than he could handle. Needless to say, we did not come even close to reaching an agreement.
To top off the day, I walked out of court to discover my car had been towed. I wasn’t paying attention and messed up – parking in a zone that ended before my meeting ended. It’s an expensive oversight. Not only did I have to pay the towing fees, but also have a parking ticket on top of it all and an extra hour of babysitting fees…
Honestly, I’m not surprised at the result of the mediation. It is pretty much exactly what I expected to happen, and pretty much what happened last time, just with a different expression of abuse… the last one was more violent while this one was more … passive aggressive (check out the link above). I’m annoyed at my own distraction and decisions resulting in the expenses…
I’m feeling very stressed tonight. My anxiety, unsurprisingly, has been high all day. These days happen. I can keep breathing, keep moving through because I know this will pass with time. I’m not stopped in my tracks today because I have hope, and confidence that this is a temporary situation. I know I am safe.
Knowing I am safe doesn’t stop the anxiety. Knowing I am safe helps me move through it. I’ll get through today, I’ll get past this moment and I’ll be stronger for it. I’m already stronger than I was. I can see my growth… and that increases my hope.
Hang in there. Better things are coming.
This song came on the radio as I was driving home (once I finally got my car back….) and it increased my hope. I hope it speaks to your heart as it spoke to mine.