I wish… by anonymous

This was shared by someone who wishes to remain anonymous. It’s a hard topic to discuss, but I think it’s important. Does this mean she hasn’t forgiven him? Is there something wrong with her? I welcome your feedback.

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I watched a movie tonight in which an abusive ex-husband was portrayed.

It was hard to watch. He wasn’t obviously violent, there was subtle stalking, verbal abuse, coercion, etc. I recognized it as abuse, but many people would have simply thought he couldn’t let go of his wife and child. Many would have thought nothing of his behaviors, just jealousy, not control.

I won’t tell you more of the movie, it’s not important except to highlight my thinking. Toward the end of the movie, the ex dies.

I sobbed.

… Not because his was a character to be missed, but because my thoughts ran to “why can’t my ex die, and set me free?”

I don’t want to even think about my ex dying.

I don’t wish death on my ex.

I cried for me. I cried because I thought it.

What I wish is for freedom. What I wish is to not have to look over my shoulder, to have to worry about how he might react should I start dating, not to worry about how he’s teaching his abusive patterns to our eldest, while at the same time emotionally abusing our youngest by ignoring and neglecting him. I’m tired of trying to protect our children from their own father. I’m tired of this relationship holding me in his crosshairs and making me second guess every decision, every action, every move.

I’m tired of not only having to parent children with special needs, but to also have to try to counter their father’s abusive, negative, entitled teachings.

I don’t wish harm on my children’s father. I just want to be completely free of him.

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