Storm in the Calm

I'm sitting in my living room. The world outside is calm, cold and snowing. It's calm because the city is 75% shutdown because of Covid-19. There's nothing to do, and nowhere to go. It's a time when we can rest, reset our lives, take time for self-care, an emotional breather. Except... my emotional breather is…Read more Storm in the Calm

Welcome 2020

I've been grieving the past few weeks. The only thing is, I'm not even certain what I'm grieving. Am I "simply" missing my siblings? Am I grieving the things in my life I'm wishing I had, but don't? Am I grieving things to come? Am I "simply" having a small mental breakdown, or failing to…Read more Welcome 2020

An Anxious Christmas

I've been filled with anxiety lately. There are so many reasons I could be, and even should be, anxious. Finances, children, new diagnosis, Christmas, friendships, family, Christmas, weather .... I don't like having anxiety. It annoys me. As my anxiety rises, I feel like I'm failing at everything: housekeeping, parenting, personal goals, finances, friendships. I…Read more An Anxious Christmas

I Don’t Have to be Alone

I'm great at building walls. I've become very good at keeping everybody at arms length. I feel very alone. I'm learning to include people in my life again. Abuse victims/survivors have many steps to healing. Sometimes those steps include trusting too easily, which leads to being hurt. Then, they swing the other way to not trust…Read more I Don’t Have to be Alone

Memories

It takes such a little thing to trigger a memory. Some are attached to music, others to actions, and more to words. This is all great and good when it is happy, peaceful, positive memories that show up unannounced... it's not so great when those memories are closer to nightmarish events. For example, when I…Read more Memories

Anxiety out of … nothing

My child is sick... it's just a common, every day illness - sore throat, fever. It's causing crankiness, irritability, exhaustion and whining. My anxiety rises. They are supposed to go to their father's for an overnight visit tomorrow, and already he has made comments about the sickness. "Oh no, it's our overnight visit this weekend".…Read more Anxiety out of … nothing