I Don’t Have to be Alone

I'm great at building walls. I've become very good at keeping everybody at arms length. I feel very alone. I'm learning to include people in my life again. Abuse victims/survivors have many steps to healing. Sometimes those steps include trusting too easily, which leads to being hurt. Then, they swing the other way to not trust…Read more I Don’t Have to be Alone

Inspired by Women

Today is International Women's Day and my best friend posed the question: "Who is your female hero?" It's a good question. Who do we admire? Who inspires us? How many women along our path have given us hope, encouragement and strength on our journey? I'll be honest... my initial response was "you". My best friend inspires…Read more Inspired by Women

Abuse and Suicide

Abuse and suicide are extremely intertwined. There are many ways suicide appears in an abusive relationship, but here are a few I have identified: Threats from the abuser that they "can't live without you" -- implied (or stated) that they will kill themselves if you leave. My ex frequently threatened to commit suicide if I…Read more Abuse and Suicide

Cognitive Dissonance

I came across a post recently at Give Her Wings regarding Cognitive Dissonance (please read it!) and it started me thinking. It struck home for me. I still wonder if there were things I could have done, things I could still do, to help him be a better man, to help him be a better father, to…Read more Cognitive Dissonance

Blame Mentality

What is the difference between actually being a victim, or someone who is exhibiting a victim mentality? Victim Mentality says "I am a victim of life". A true victim says "I am a victim of a (set of) circumstance(s)". One is "playing victim", the other is actually a victim. We need to be able to…Read more Blame Mentality

Things My Abuser Taught Me

While I was with my abuser, he had a few (false!) lessons for me to learn. He successfully taught me some of them, and others he failed to teach me before I left him: I'm not valuable or important. I have nothing to say that is of interest or worth to others. I cannot take care of myself…Read more Things My Abuser Taught Me