Let’s Talk Isolation

Isolation seems like an obvious warning sign of abuse, and yet it is commonly ignored and missed. Frequently it is believed to be choice of the victim (even by the victim), and not a symptom of abuse, but it is a symptom of abuse.   Why is isolation a symptom of abuse? The abuser does…Read more Let’s Talk Isolation

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Is It Normal?

In many abusive relationships, the abuser is a fabulous person. They can be: fun to be with hard workers great parents supportive friends always helpful volunteer or work at church active in the community publicly affectionate verbally supportive quick with jokes eager to always be with their partner Right up until the moment they aren't.…Read more Is It Normal?

Gradual Destruction

Self-esteem is a dangerous thing to lose. When our self-esteem is low, it affects every relationship we are in. It affects intimate partner relationships, friendships, child-parent relationships, business relationships ... and impacts our ability to build new relationships. When something happens, in life or in relationship, our self-esteem helps define how we react to it.…Read more Gradual Destruction

The Importance of Rest

We need to rest. We are commanded to rest. We neglect rest. Rest is not just getting 8-10 hours of sleep a night. Rest is taking time away from our normal routines, setting aside a significant amount of time and space to regroup for the coming challenges, to recover from past battles. I am reminded recently,…Read more The Importance of Rest

Abuse and Suicide

Abuse and suicide are extremely intertwined. There are many ways suicide appears in an abusive relationship, but here are a few I have identified: Threats from the abuser that they "can't live without you" -- implied (or stated) that they will kill themselves if you leave. My ex frequently threatened to commit suicide if I…Read more Abuse and Suicide

Things My Abuser Taught Me

While I was with my abuser, he had a few (false!) lessons for me to learn. He successfully taught me some of them, and others he failed to teach me before I left him: I'm not valuable or important. I have nothing to say that is of interest or worth to others. I cannot take care of myself…Read more Things My Abuser Taught Me

Re-Blog: Abusive Isolation

The number 1 tool of abusers is isolation. The reason why it is the most used form and usually one of the first forms of abuse is two-fold. First, isolation keeps her feeding off of him. He sets himself up to provide her with her basic needs, emotional needs and define what she should think […]…Read more Re-Blog: Abusive Isolation