I've been giving a lot of thought to relationships lately. It's been 11 years since my separation, and almost 3 since the divorce was finalized. There are days, I still wonder if I made the right choice. I did my best to choose a husband who was safe, and I failed. He was not safe,…Read more Relationships
Isolation seems like an obvious warning sign of abuse, and yet it is commonly ignored and missed. Frequently it is believed to be choice of the victim (even by the victim), and not a symptom of abuse, but it is a symptom of abuse. Why is isolation a symptom of abuse? The abuser does…Read more Let’s Talk Isolation
Recently, on Facebook, a question was posed about what factors contributed to women needing to leave a marriage and not have resources to be able to do so. Most of the answers showed that the common belief, is that women have a lack of education (i.e. career to fall back on), and they got married…Read more Who’s Abused?
In many abusive relationships, the abuser is a fabulous person. They can be: fun to be with hard workers great parents supportive friends always helpful volunteer or work at church active in the community publicly affectionate verbally supportive quick with jokes eager to always be with their partner Right up until the moment they aren't.…Read more Is It Normal?
This post is about what I think about saving, or even trying to save an abusive marriage. It's my opinion. My perspective. Make of it what you will. Can an abusive marriage be saved? I've heard it can happen. I think it's possible IF the following happen: The abuse is recognized in the beginning of…Read more Saving Abusive Marriage?
The short answer is NO. To be clear, I'm emphatic, non-negotiable, and certain about my opinion on this matter. There is no such thing as "deserved" abuse. Now, there are relationships where the abuse victim finally stands up for themselves and strikes back -- that's called self-defense. And, there are relationships in which there appears…Read more Is Some Abuse Deserved?
I'm great at building walls. I've become very good at keeping everybody at arms length. I feel very alone. I'm learning to include people in my life again. Abuse victims/survivors have many steps to healing. Sometimes those steps include trusting too easily, which leads to being hurt. Then, they swing the other way to not trust…Read more I Don’t Have to be Alone
What do you think when you hear of a "Crime of Passion"? What emotions does it bring to mind? Wikipedia defines it as follows: refers to a violent crime, especially homicide, in which the perpetrator commits the act against someone because of sudden strong impulse such as sudden rage rather than as a premeditated crime. The…Read more Crime of Passion
Abuse starts quietly. Hidden. So subtle you miss it. A couple years ago, one of my best friends started dating a man who she thought was amazing. She was a few years out of her abusive marriage and this new man courted her diligently... except... he badmouthed her family, unfortunately for some legitimate reasons. Instead…Read more The Subtlety of Abuse