I've been giving a lot of thought to relationships lately. It's been 11 years since my separation, and almost 3 since the divorce was finalized. There are days, I still wonder if I made the right choice. I did my best to choose a husband who was safe, and I failed. He was not safe,…Read more Relationships
Very often I hear of people talking about "knowing your Why", and setting goals - long-term and short-term. This has been challenging for me. I'm learning, now, how to do these things. I'm testing the waters, building life goals, recognizing my personal "why's". Not everyone knows how to do these things, yet too many assume…Read more Future Planning
Isolation seems like an obvious warning sign of abuse, and yet it is commonly ignored and missed. Frequently it is believed to be choice of the victim (even by the victim), and not a symptom of abuse, but it is a symptom of abuse. Why is isolation a symptom of abuse? The abuser does…Read more Let’s Talk Isolation
Recently, on Facebook, a question was posed about what factors contributed to women needing to leave a marriage and not have resources to be able to do so. Most of the answers showed that the common belief, is that women have a lack of education (i.e. career to fall back on), and they got married…Read more Who’s Abused?
This post is about what I think about saving, or even trying to save an abusive marriage. It's my opinion. My perspective. Make of it what you will. Can an abusive marriage be saved? I've heard it can happen. I think it's possible IF the following happen: The abuse is recognized in the beginning of…Read more Saving Abusive Marriage?
The short answer is NO. To be clear, I'm emphatic, non-negotiable, and certain about my opinion on this matter. There is no such thing as "deserved" abuse. Now, there are relationships where the abuse victim finally stands up for themselves and strikes back -- that's called self-defense. And, there are relationships in which there appears…Read more Is Some Abuse Deserved?
Self-esteem is a dangerous thing to lose. When our self-esteem is low, it affects every relationship we are in. It affects intimate partner relationships, friendships, child-parent relationships, business relationships ... and impacts our ability to build new relationships. When something happens, in life or in relationship, our self-esteem helps define how we react to it.…Read more Gradual Destruction
I'm great at building walls. I've become very good at keeping everybody at arms length. I feel very alone. I'm learning to include people in my life again. Abuse victims/survivors have many steps to healing. Sometimes those steps include trusting too easily, which leads to being hurt. Then, they swing the other way to not trust…Read more I Don’t Have to be Alone
I'm seeing a trend on social media where there a number of "quizzes" available to complete, based on your social media profile. You click on the link and it tells you what they think is amazing about you. You can test how "smart" you are, how beautiful, what people like about you, etc. There is a…Read more Importance of Affirmation
Abuse and suicide are extremely intertwined. There are many ways suicide appears in an abusive relationship, but here are a few I have identified: Threats from the abuser that they "can't live without you" -- implied (or stated) that they will kill themselves if you leave. My ex frequently threatened to commit suicide if I…Read more Abuse and Suicide