Isolation seems like an obvious warning sign of abuse, and yet it is commonly ignored and missed. Frequently it is believed to be choice of the victim (even by the victim), and not a symptom of abuse, but it is a symptom of abuse. Why is isolation a symptom of abuse? The abuser does…Read more Let’s Talk Isolation
This post is about what I think about saving, or even trying to save an abusive marriage. It's my opinion. My perspective. Make of it what you will. Can an abusive marriage be saved? I've heard it can happen. I think it's possible IF the following happen: The abuse is recognized in the beginning of…Read more Saving Abusive Marriage?
In my thinking, Christians (in particular) often feel that any abuse experienced is a sign of faith, something we are required to experience and suffer through. There are even verses in the Bible (I use ESV for all quotes) that seem to uphold such a view. For example: Romans 5:3-5: 3 Not only that, but we rejoice…Read more Suffering for God’s Sake
No one else will love you. You have too much baggage. F**** off. If you leave me, I'll kill myself. If I can't have you, no one will. You just wanted me for a sperm/egg donor. I'm not sure I love you. I'm only with you until someone better comes along. Why can't you be…Read more All the Right Words
There is a common misconception that if you are abused, then your parents and/or their parents were also; and that your children and grandchildren will also end up as abusers or in abusive relationships too. The flip side of this unfounded premise is that if you are abused, you will become an abuser or…Read more Generations
Along with the reasons discussed in a previous post, another reason victims return to an abuser is because often the abuse isn't over after they leave. Especially when there are children involved in the relationship, the abuse continues. Even when there are no children involved, the abuser will stalk and continually try to reconnect with…Read more It’s Not Over When It’s Over
Not only does an abuser gaslight his or her victim, but they are often busy gaslighting many others at the same time: family, co-workers, church family, friends, and even acquaintances. (See my previous post on Gaslighting) It isn't enough to convince the victim things are different from the reality. If they can convince others of their…Read more Gaslighting x2