It’s All About Control

Where did we get the idea that it was acceptable to control another human being? There are times when we are responsible to control the behavior of others. That's one of the things laws are for. There must be boundaries and restrictions on behavior in order for society to function well, but somehow, somewhere it has…Read more It’s All About Control

Christmas is Coming

For many who live with domestic violence, Christmas becomes an exercise in walking on eggshells. The holidays are an added stress, focus is turned away from the abuser, social expectations are high, happiness is expected and the abuser has to put his (or her) mask firmly in place. This means that when the mask can…Read more Christmas is Coming

Gaslighting x2

Not only does an abuser gaslight his or her victim, but they are often busy gaslighting many others at the same time: family, co-workers, church family, friends, and even acquaintances. (See my previous post on Gaslighting) It isn't enough to convince the victim things are different from the reality. If they can convince others of their…Read more Gaslighting x2

Is it You? Or Me?

Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of abuse, it is done in such a way that most victims don't even recognize it is happening to them. An abuser has a way of twisting the truth and the circumstances to make it appear as if you are the one in the wrong. According to an article at…Read more Is it You? Or Me?

Appearances are Deceiving

(NOTE: I speak from the female perspective, because that's who I am, but these things apply across genders, cultures and ages!) Very often when a victim finally speaks up about the abuse, people are surprised. For so long, she has hidden or even lied about the state of her relationship. On Facebook she'll post memes and…Read more Appearances are Deceiving